of random

i have not been thinking much about how my future would be like until recently.
i came back from class at 1pm, went out for a hot walk under the sun around Petaling Street, and just slept through the day.
oddly, there’s a short period of 4 hours which i’m awake 
and went back to sleep after that.


Worrying about what's going to happen to me, how much i'll achieve in the next few years, and mostly, worrying if my significant other will still be by my side, is tiring. Honestly.

frankly, it was just trying to get the whole “wtheck am i going to do with my life”
out of my mind.
and while sleeping, it was like i’m delusional or something.
i keep drifting in and out of my sleep.
and these past few weeks, i have been having bad dreams.
most of which are awfully weird.ever since last 2 mondays if i’m not wrong.
dreams that i don’t EVEN want to remember when i wake up.
and yes, it happens even as i slept through the whole day.
so, when i woke up; i try to piece all the dreams together
but it just doesn’t make sense.
ah, oh well.
i just hope i sleep better tonight. 
if i could.


oh, and there’s a lot of falling apart a while ago.
and honestly, i don’t care.
because caring for stuff like this literally just suck the life out of you.
AND, i believe in being independent.
NOT dependent.
because being DEPENDENT just makes you fall in all the wrong places,
and it just makes you indecisive, weak and dumb.
and trust me, i’m NEITHER of those.
its weird when sometimes i just want things to be perfect.


No, I think it's perfectly rational of me wanting things in my life to be perfect. 


AND LASTLY,
for those who already made a list of argumentative points while reading this.
BEING WEAK AND VULNERABLE does not make you dependent.
oh yeah. you can still be independent in whatever situation it is.
needing a listening ear, DOES NOT = to being dependent.
okay, now darlings. you can keep those argumentative points of yours.


Tho these past few days, almost everything have been going quiet well. :D
I'm much more emotionally stable, I learned from not only my mistakes, but from mistakes of others,
and I'm able to control my emotions without hurting others. 
All this had made me a better person.

alright, i’m done being a psycho here. (:
guess it must be listening to too much Pete Yorn. There's something about his songs that is so appealing to me, and i could easily relate to.

Pete Yorn rock.


P/S: I NEED A NEW MP3 PLAYER. PLEASE BUY ME ONE. A CHEAP 2GB WILL DO.